who is ME and why do I hide him from YOU

Here I am again my dear blog. you have been so good to me in this last week, venting to you and just writing the most random of post has helped me exceedingly in life. So the time has come fo rme to ask you to lend me your ear for yet another babble, one that makes me emotional in every way possible.

for the past year now I have wanted a relationship so badly, yet i realized that I have yet to ask of it from the universe and from myself. As I had a conversation with my friend Stephen Monday night in the dressing room at the theatre we both actually agreed on something for once: our relationships end either amazingly or in heartbreak and sadly the amazing part hasn't happened yet. When he made this comment to me and I agreed with it, I pondered well into the night and even into Tuesday morning (now obviously). Truth be told, we may be a little nerdy but we are not undatable. We are both cute, young men who have great ambitions and plans in life. When it comes to my talents and abilities I excell further than what even I would (let alone others) would expect. I have given up so much in the pursuit of happiness though. I have dated girls who would use me for all i had and then say "I never felt it with you" or I'm hidden from the world for some little reason that would "hurt their reputation." Am I not desirable to a point that I have to be hidden or have to change who I am or my passions in life. To be honest my friends, I was a major in dance and vocal performance at one time, being engaged changed my major and I have not looked back. Why did i do it!? Why do I honestly believe that I am so worthless that I have to change just to recieve small happiness?

Sadly this cycle has continued for a long period of time with me and I finally gave up all hope of ever finding that happiness and became closed within my heart when it came to love and relationships; making excuses all along the way. Until recently that is. I have a friend who is simply amazing in every way, and to even write every comlpiment in the world would do an injustice to this person because of their pure love and all round personality. Babbling aside this person looked me in the eyes and all I saw was me...I could see me in a loving nature, not of what I could do for this person but what this person saw in me and the accomplished human being they saw in me. When with this person I feel absolutly refreshed and loved. and thats how it should be with a female companion! I have NEVER looked at the person I have dated and said "well you have flaws but I can fix them later." no i have always said "I don't look at that as a flaw and can name three good things about you that i LOVE"

So universe here it is: I want a soulmate and lover. and I am willing to be me and show it so please give me someone who can accept these.: I am a very emotional person, I cry at music, movies, and watchign others do certain things. I am passionate and always give 110% in anything that I'm doing whether it be improving my singing or giving physical touch to someone such as a massage or hug. I am a dork! I love artistic value and music that is classical or lyrical. I value my talents, I can sing, act, dance, and direct, I am in no way the best in any of these nor am i considered even good to some but I can still value what I have. I am very busy but NEVER too busy for those I love. I am empathic and try to help those who are emotionally in pain, this may not be healthy for me but I prefer to help others first. I hate watching the "I don't care" attitude even if its an "I don't care what you think of me" its honored as it isn't my choice to make but I do not like it. I want to be a father and husband to a mother and a woman who I would consider myself lucky to just wake up to in the morning and look at her beautiful face knowing that she loves me. I wish to learn, religion, and energy facinate me most please always share. this is who i am and i hope to find the girl who I can love as much as she loves me.

Ok...*deep breath* thank you so much blog for your support and love. and thank you all my supports who have loved me and been there for me, you are honored very much and here it is people...im done hiding...im done being in the dark with the world....I AM THAT I AM :)