Life: overated or underdemeciated?

   Hello friends, yet anothr babble from me :). Ok, so the past couple days have had me thinking A LOT. Keep in mind my friends that this is in no way a cry for help, an I hate the world blog or some Emo transition made in life lol. My realization is that I have taken my short lived life for granted thus far. For the past couple of days I have had angels in my life just reaching out and trying to touch my heart and be my friend. Me, the inconsiderate piece of god that I am, act like a bully would to a child and hold their head making it so they cant touch me no matter how hard or fast they swing. So why do I do that? These people aren't out to hurt me, only love me unconditionally with the intention of friendship and getting to know me better and love me for who I am and not what I can give them.
   Quite honestly my actions offended even me. I realized that by since the age of six, I have done nothing but: work, work, work. I have become so obsesed with the perfection of what I do: Dance, Singing, Acting, Martial arts, and even learning medical terms and facts. Looking back i realized I didn't have a childhood. I didn't go to friends houses (I didn't have friends) I didn't have sleepovers with friends, I didn't have birthday parties with friends and I didn't go to malls or dance clubs to hang out. My day for the past 10-15 years has been: wake up, learn and work, go to bed. Now dont get me wrong I have a good life: I get to be in shows and perform I have traveled, I am going to college ect. But I also realized that I had only two friends growing up and didn't even have them til my freshman year of highschool.
   This bothered me because I started thinking: what would my life have been like if my mother didn't push learning so much. What if I had a lot of friends growing up? But what scares me is what would I have been like if I didn't do as I did. But I digress....back on subject, I started feeling wierd emotions as i do things. I was invited to have dinner with a group of friends and when i went I was quieter than usal, I didn't know how to act. Then I went to a Haunted house and agian, quiet and timid. The thought entered my mind: Is this why Im also still single. I listened to fellow cast mates in Damn Yankees talk about how they treated ex gfs or bfs or what went down, how they would spend time together and how they made eachother feel. I realized that I didn't know any of the info they were saying (sad i know lol). It made me realize I was a bad bf because I don't know how to act like one. Just wondering if TWHSS is this exact reason. again I am just throwing out my thoughts lol
   I think I want change, just scared to. I need to put down this hand holding persons at bay, if Im not showing them who I am and not being true to the fact that I don't know how to be with these people then I'm lying to those who want to be my friends. I just need to look at ME and make changes, cuz if I don't then I'm just going to end up all alone in the end and I don't want that :).

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