greetings my blog and hello to all of those who read....surely you have little life if your following me lol i'm kidding. but this blog is an update more for me than it is for readers so for all of you who would like to stay for the ride, by all means keep reading. though I'm not going to explain all that I say, ok here we go! yipee!
Me as I see Me
In this point in my life I'm no longer unhappy as I have posted a few months ago. A little while back I "opened the door" as it were, to where I was explained the unexplainable by ME things I couldn't see about life and things that I wasn't really willing to let in were introduced to me and it gave me new eyes as it were. yesterday I celebrated my 21st birthday. twenty-one years in my physical form and I couldn't help but pat myself on the back. I always complain on the training I need and all the things that I need in my life when it comes and how much I have to learn. Yet I hardly ever take the step back to not look ahead but look back. I have opened myself to the ME that be ME (yes i stole this lol) I DO have alot to learn but look how much I HAVE learned. I have realized the me that has alway been dormant and always been afraid to show simply because it wasn't part of the "status quo" that is human conciousness. I look now at where I was performance wise and skill wise yet a year ago and how much I have grown! The people in my life that I have kept dear and close, those who I have kept distant, and those who I have had to ask to leave my life. All there for a purpose and for lessons, ones in which I will be forever grateful. I now wonder and yearn with intense anticipation on what life holds for me. I will never be not ready for something in my life, the universe jsut doesn't throw me things I can't handle, I can make ANY choice I want and be sucessful at it with the proper work, WE ALL CAN, so why don't we do it? I realized I have had little trust in myself and my abilities both physical and not. I have been very lazy when it comes to my ME time and I keep trying to fix alot of things, when I should just let the univers be. at the age of twenty one I don't feel any different than when I was twenty, yet this shut down has happened in my life and I feel that it is only leading to a more INTENSE me, and this does scare me just slightly. I woke one day to my awareness and this intense growth has been an experience I will NEVER forget in this lifetime. To shut down and know its purpose is to become more aware of self, and not know what it holds when adjusting into it makes me scared yet excited at the same time because I know without a doubt it is only to make a more loving, attractive (not physically speaking), understanding,trusting ME.
My being ME has scared many people without them even realizing it. This "vibe" that I give off is complete honesty and even though I can be the worlds biggest bitch at times I really am an increadably loving being. Though, the only person I have showed little love to is myself. I do not fully trust myself and am constantly picking flaws in all aspects of life. If I had trust in but ten percent of myself I would be an entirely different person. I need to trust ME and all there is to me. My physical form of course is aprehensive because it has been put into "the box" and was born inside "the box" so this type of thinking is "wrong." But for a moment I "sat on my own lap" so to speak and asked myself...."WHY?" Why is it that if we are told something is good or bad it is automatically that way? many people will say they have an opinion and tell everyone that what they are doing is right or wrong but my question is who's opinion was given to them to make them suddenly "know" it is that it is? My answer was that there is NO "right" or "wrong" but LIFE. I dont wish to waist my time in this body wondering what to do with my life but how much i'm going to do in this life. and even further than that i don't wish to know how much i'm going to do either lol. I have taken words of a dear freind and thought long and hard about them. I don't wish to tap off my life and settle. I wish to experience all I can before I die, I'm so so young and have so much more to live for in this life, I want to have more thought than how many babies i'll have or whehter or not i'll flip burgers for the rest of my life. I guess thats why I'm freaky, maybe to the human eye I don't have my head screwed on straight or something, I'll probly never know fully to be honest lol
I see with new eyes every day when it comes to myself and I'm loving who I am becoming in my life. I have my flaws, and god knows that I'm far from a perfect being. But I LOVE where my life is now...I wake up ready to learn, I wake every day knowing I have people in my life that I love so very much and I live my days learning something new every day....twenty one years in my body may not feel different but looking back I see that It's experience like no other. And as for this shut down....Can't wait to power back up because I can feel into the potential its bringing and it feels pretty damn good! I LOVE ALL THINGS IN MY LIFE (even though sometimes i say i hate them hehe) And so it is..
I AM THAT I AM
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